Keeping My Sanity
by ellyswampchild
Summary: Alternate happens for episode 2x11. After confronting President Wallace, Maya comforts an upset Jasper. Rated for a single swear word.


**Based on The 100 CW television series, and the work of Kass Morgan.**

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Jasper slowly sunk to the floor of the President's office, as if all his bones had been removed and replaced with the emptiness he was currently feeling. He had never been ashamed to cry; growing up on the outskirts of the social scene had its perks, one of those being indifferent to other people's opinions of him. Currently, large droplets of tears fell from his eyes, as he clutched his knees to his chest, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

Maya had told him not to do anything stupid, but he had gone ahead and done it anyway. He wasn't sure what he was thinking threatening the President. Of course, the situation had been turned on him. Luck had been against him since him and the 99 others landed on this foreign planet that was now supposed to be home. A sob passed through his lips, followed by a sharp intake of breath as he felt his control slipping.

At this moment, Jasper would give his life to be home, on the ark, once again. Yes, himself and the 46 of his friends held hostage in Mount Weather were considered criminals in the space station, but they were safe, and knew what the future held, even if that meant death.

Jasper couldn't handle the uncertainty; feeling safe one moment, just to have it torn away the second he let his guard down. He felt as if he were being torn apart internally, and the only thing keeping him sane on this god damned mountain was a girl he'd probably lose as well.

As if she were connected to his thoughts, the glass entrance to the office parted, and Maya stepped inside. Her amber eyes scanned the room, at first overlooking the figure huddled on the floor. When she noticed him, his name slipped from her lips, barely more than a whisper, and she rushed to him.

Jasper reached towards her, like a drowning man clutching at a life preserver before slipping underwater, and Maya wrapped her arms around his trembling frame.

"What happened?" she pushed his hair, dampened from sweat and tears out of his eyes, and cradled his face in her hands.

"I messed up," his lips quivered as he spoke the words, and he looked pleadingly into her, silently begging her to offer some form of comfort, "Maya, they're all going to die because of me."

A fresh wave of tears fell from his eyes, and Maya held him closer to her, quietly whispering into his ear as she shook her head vehemently, "no one is going to die because of you, Jasper. President Wallace told me I could find you here, he's going to look for Monty and Harper."

Jasper's eyes met Maya's with a look of hopeful confusion, "he is?"

"He is," she mumbled soothingly as she wiped a tear of his cheek.

Maya's heart ached for the broken boy in front of her. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen from crying, and at the moment he looked much younger than 17. Her reassurance had seemed to bring him some comfort, as the sobs that previously racked his body had subsided into an occasional hitch of his breath. An idea began to form in her mind, and she slowly rose to her feet, offering him her hand, "come on."

Jasper took her hand hesitantly, and stood as well, "where are we going?"

"My apartment," she began to tug him towards the exit, but he stood frozen to the floor and shook his head slowly, his mind still in a disarray from his earlier anxiety.

"No," the word was unconvincing, as if he wanted to go, but something was holding him back, "I need to go back to the dorms incase Harper and Monty are found."

"If they're found, President Wallace will come to you first," Maya assured him, and when he didn't seem convince she continued, "Jasper, you can't go back to the dorms like this. Your friends view you as a leader, and seeing you upset will only worry them."

"I'm fine." He responded too quickly, and Maya gave him a look of disbelief.

"You're a mess."

Nodding, he allowed the only person from Mount Weather he considered a friend lead him down the dimly lit hallways. Jasper was still on edge, and every unexpected movement or noise caused him to violently flinch away. Each time, Maya would comfort him by squeezing his hand and gently rubbing circles on his palm. When they arrived at the apartment, Maya unlocked the door with a metal key, much different from the thumb pads they used to enter their homes on the Ark.

Jasper had never seen an apartment inside Mount Weather before. In a way, it reminded him of his home in space, and in his weakened state tears prickled the back of his eyes at the not so distant memory. He ran his hand along a gray decorative table that was placed against the wall to the left of the door. On it were pictures of Maya at various ages. In one she was a child smiling with a group of schoolchildren. Another showed a present-day Maya standing next to a stony-faced man. Maya had his eyes, and Jasper knew it had to be her father.

A thought suddenly entered Jasper's mind and he turned to look at Maya, "is your dad going to be mad I'm here?"

"He won't be home. Friday night a movie is broadcasted over the television, he's been spending it with his new girlfriend," she said shaking her head and jutting her thumb at a flat, rectangular television, much larger than the broadcast screens they had on the Ark.

"So you're safe." Maya took his hand again and led him towards a modest brown cloth couch that sat facing the television. She instructed him to sit, and then disappeared into a room separated by an archway.

Jasper suddenly felt alone and vulnerable in Maya's dimly lit living room. He hadn't been completely alone since the drop ship landed. A chill ran through his body, as he glanced over his shoulder at the doorway Maya had slipped into, wishing she'd hurry back.

Abruptly the room was filled with light and noise, and Jasper's strangled scream filled the room. His first thought was that they had been bombed, and his body folded in on itself involuntarily as a mode of protection. Maya seemed to materialize besides him, and lay a comforting hand on his arm, concern written across her face.

"It's okay, it's just the television. It's on a timer."

Jasper slowly looked around the room as his tried to control his breathing. His heart felt as if were a caged animal trying to break free. As he regained his senses, he noticed that Maya was telling the truth, the once dark screen of the television now displayed a monochrome human-like mouse on a boat, whistling a melody.

"Sorry," he chuckled half-heartedly, "I guess I'm a little on edge."

Maya handed him a mug, and the liquid inside warmed his hands as he took it from. Her peered inside at the clear, rust colored, beverage, "what is it?"

"Chamomile tea. It'll help you sleep."

As he sipped the tea that mildly tasted of flowers, Jasper realized how exhausted he was. He hadn't slept well since Clarke disappeared, and the discovery that Mount Weather was performing experiments on his friends only worsened his insomnia. He was afraid if he closed his eyes, he would wake up to find another one of his friends missing.

Maya sat next to him on the couch, the warmth of her body further calming his anxiety. She guided him to lay down, with his head resting on her lap, and she began lazily playing with his hair. Jasper was overcome with a feeling of affection for the girl looking down at him. She was one of the reasons he hadn't completely lost his mind inside of this mountain. He smiled goofily up at her, somewhere between consciousness and sleep.

"What are you smiling at?"

"You. I was just thinking how if it weren't for you, I'd probably be crazy," when she continued to looking down at him skeptically he continued, "I'm serious, Maya. I don't know what I would do without you."

Maya smiled softly at him, "I'm glad you're in my life too. Now, try to sleep, you look exhausted."

Jasper turned back towards the dull glow of the television screen, vaguely taking in the movie before closing his eyes and focusing on the background noise. Although he knew he had many more challenges ahead in order to escape Mount Weather, for the moment he allowed himself to feel safe. With the quiet sound of the movie playing in the background, and Maya's fingers idly running through his hair, Jasper succumbed to sleep.

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